Building Your Village: What Adult Friendships Really Need

We’ve all heard the phrase “it takes a village” — and most of us know just how true that is. Especially in parenting, when you’re managing meltdowns, logistics, and your own emotions, having people around you who just “get it” can be a lifeline.

But what if your village feels…empty? What if you do not have an organic village - your family there for you. Or you need more? What if it’s not that you don’t want deeper connections, but that they just don’t seem to happen anymore?

You’re not alone — and you’re not doing anything wrong.

According to Mel Robbins, adult friendship isn’t about luck or chemistry alone. It comes down to 3 key ingredients:

Proximity

Friendships form when you see each other — over and over again. That’s why school drop-offs, playgroups, and community centers often spark connection: you're in the same place regularly. But as adults, especially working parents or caregivers, proximity gets harder to come by. We’re home more. We’re rushing from thing to thing. And that natural overlap with others shrinks.

Try this: Pick one space you already frequent — daycare, the dog park, your kid’s extracurricular — and look for small ways to be present. A quick smile, a casual comment, or a repeated “see you next week” lays a foundation.

Shared Vibe

You don’t need to have everything in common. But there’s often a sense of “ahhh, I like you” that makes friendships easy. Maybe it’s a shared parenting philosophy, a similar energy, or just that you both laugh at the same memes. That vibe matters.

Try this: Notice who feels easy to talk to, who seems to “get” your sense of humor or values — then lean in, even a little. The vibe might already be there. You just haven’t acted on it yet.

Vulnerability

This is the hard one — and also the most powerful. Someone has to take a small risk. Maybe it’s being the first to say “it’s been a rough week.” Or the one to ask, “Want to grab a coffee sometime?” It’s not about baring your soul right away. It’s about being real enough that the connection can grow.

Try this: Be honest in small ways. Say “I actually don’t know what I’m doing with this whole parenting thing either.” That truth-telling is what turns acquaintances into your village.

If You’re Still Looking for Your People…

That’s okay. We all are, in some way. Friendships in adulthood take longer to build — but they’re still possible.

Start with proximity. Trust the vibe. And don’t be afraid to be a little vulnerable.

Because your village doesn’t just show up one day.You build it — one real moment at a time.

Why This Matters

Human beings are wired for connection. For parents especially, isolation isn’t just emotionally draining — it can actually intensify feelings of burnout, anxiety, and self-doubt. Having even one safe, consistent, emotionally attuned person in your life — a friend, a neighbour, a fellow parent at school pick-up — can make a measurable difference in your mental well-being.

We often think we need to "find our people," but the truth is: we co-create our relationships. Through small acts of presence, honesty, and warmth, we slowly build something strong enough to lean on.

So if you're feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, or like everyone else has a village you somehow missed out on — you're not behind. You're just in the building phase.

And the beautiful part?Your future village might already be closer than you think.